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Gentleman Jack

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Gentleman Jack last won the day on June 28 2017

Gentleman Jack had the most liked content!

About Gentleman Jack

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    Way Up The Champ's Ass

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    BrotherMidnight

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  1. Nope, you're not stealing my sunshine. 1-0 baby!!! Wooooo!!!!!!!!
  2. I think what we're all failing to grasp here is that I, Gentleman Jack, am now 1-0 over known pedophile and Hall of Fame member Tiberius Dupree in OCW competition. Thanks for the erection guys, it was POWERFUL!
  3. Will somebody please talk about how amazing dennis is so i dont have to? I'm sluggish at the moment.
  4. I'm Crazy Jack and at Crazy Jack's House of Turmoil all of our top money matches have to go!!!! Why? Because i owe the asian mob THOUSANDS and they've demanded it!! Why wait until Wrestlelution 15 The Final Lutioning for Nate Ortiz and Dennis Black when you can see it in just a few short weeks for free?!?! That's why I'm in charge folks, sound business decisions! At Crazy Jack's House of Turmoil Mega Show, not only are you going to see the biggest match in the last 5 years of OCW for FREE(!!!!) but you're also going to get to see that halfwit Ryu Matsufuckboi get what's coming to him for having the gall to face me on Riot when he has to stand across the ring from the Bulbous Balbao himself, Bill Ding. That's not all though! Big Ed is going to murder a midget! Dennis Black ruined his life, I ruined his career, and at Mega Turmoil Big Ed will put the final nail in H20's coffin. Thorn in your side? Im not a thorn in your side!!!! This isn't your movie, it's mine! You're a pissant, good day to you sir. Enjoy your last shot on Turmoil homo. God bless! Also two chicks are going to fight! Maybe they'll accidentally kiss!!!!!! if Jackson doesn't act like a cunt there will even be a Luchador in a Turmoil ring for the first time in.... I guess ever? Holy shit, racist guys. Turmoil should be a rainbow city, not a meeting of Seb's White Nationalist group. Oh and austin will be there! Hey at least it's not Bray, am I right? Turmoil! Turmoil! Turmoil! Turmoil!
  5. It almost makes me regret trying to kill him. Almost.
  6. If I put Mo'Cream on my balls will the crabs go away?
  7. God I look good in floral prints.
  8. ((Warning: the following contains Turmoil 165 Spoilers. Watch that first if you care.)) We now go backstage where the new General Manager of Turmoil, GM Jack, is standing outside of his new office with his chubby, middle aged secretary who shall now be known as Brenda. Jack: Did you get the stench of piss, failure, and Tank out of there? Brenda: Yes sir, but there's a problem. Jack: Problem? What problem? I'm king of the world now! Brenda: Well while you may have authority over Turmoil, you still have to answer to Mr. Sensation. Jack: Psh he doesn't even know Turmoil exists! I could have an orgy with all the bombshells in the middle of my ring and he'd never know! Brenda: I don't know about that sir... He's in your office now... Jack's face turns white with fear as he does an over dramatic gulp before opening the door to reveal the homeless, chubby, drunken, brown bum he and Big Ed found in AA over a year ago. The impostor Sensation is still wearing newspaper for shoes, a tinfoil hat, Nate Ortiz GTGOAT t shirt, no pants, and stained tighty whiteys. Jack, so proud of himself, enters the office as fake Sensation begins to rant. Mr. Sensation: Tippy tine Jacky boy! Tippy Tine! Nate Ortiz greater than great! Cama cama lepi chai! Dennis Black.... Main Daime daddy! You come not one, but many tine tannies! Austin Lee, wa da tay, wa da tay indeed! Bill Ding cole me down on the panny sty! Jackson pure pone tony! Pone tony tipi tais!!! Jack: You're right sir, the only way to kick off the Dennis Black / Gentleman Jack Era is if we judge a wet t shirt contest involving all the bombshells and Tiberius Dupree's sweet knockers! Sensation, not pleased with this answer, flops wildly while speaking Mr. Sensation: Don't bane the dillies! Don't bane the dillies! Jack: Jacob Trance and Wrex? I mean after we work Mr. Black's raise I don't know if we'll have the money... But for you, anything sir! Mr. Sensation: Leepa tine on my clemmon dees. Jack: You're right sir, Pyra hasn't been on tv enough this year. Pyra and Crazy Daisy, no problem! I'll have a case of Vaseline and red hots delivered to your office! Mr. Sensation: Penna tine on my damie kays. Jack: You want to see a murder? Big Ed and Jett it is! Fake Sensation flops with excitement at the thought of poor Jett Draven being driven through the ring by Big Ed. Mr. Sensation: May I dane on the jammies? Jack: Sure, I like tag team wrestling as much as the next guy. Solomon Gold and Cactus vs The Orphanage it is! Anything for you boss! Mr. Sensation: Ima crighty pooster, ima crighty pooster! Jack: Bray? But he's black! I mean I guess if that what you want. Mr. Sensation: Crighty pooster! Crighty pooster!!!! Jack: Ok ok, Bray and Shepard, you got it sir! The fake Sensation smiles proudly at a job well done. Mr. Sensation: Bata shane ranacan Jackie G! Dilly dine on my tippy sly! Jack: I also think is the beginning of a beautiful friendship sir. Oh and sir, I think you shit yourself again. Mr. Sensation: Bammies! Our scene closes as GM Jack calls for Brenda to clean up Mr. Sensations stool filled undies. Welcome to Turmoil.
  9. What? You think I did this out of hate? Quite the opposite my friend! I did this because I love you Leon! I cant stand by and watch you throw away your career, nay your life, to a false prophet in a bad wig and Nate freaking Ortiz. So why don't we just put this nastiness behind us? Just to come to the ring on Turmoil (if you can), apologize, tell the world im better than Nate Ortiz, prettier than Versus, more charismatic than Tiberius Dupree, and we can get this friendship back on track. Do the right thing Leon.
  10. Fun fact, 63.27% of all Turmoil discussion was just dennis and b-17 having an autistic pissing contest. With no b-17 around.... well it's big shoes to fill but if anyone can its Mr. Light Heavyweight himself. (side note, pugh got in content using his phone while driving intoxicated and receiving head from what i can only assume was a toothless gypsy. i love this man!)
  11. But otherwise President Lincoln, how was the play?
  12. Afternoon all. Ok maybe I wasnt clear yesterday so ill try to sum it up a bit better. Dennis is amazeballs. He's also a miserable cunt. You can be two things at once. I'm super entertaining and lazy as shit. See how that works? Dennis is the best Turmoil champ we could possibly have. I believe that with every fiber of my being. Im in no hurry to see that change but look forward to an individual trying. That said, I think that last 6 months of your tv reign have been dogshit. All you did was beat a record that nobody but you and parker cared about. But everyone pissed in your cheerios and you're better than them so get your revenge on. Has anyone else on Turmoil deserved the Turmoil title? Nope. Does anyone else deserve a midcard title thats meant to build a character in the first place? Yup. I sincerely think so. Side note, if this doesnt produce a Leon/Pugh High School Bathroom Brawl on the next ppv I'm crying myself to sleep tonight.
  13. Every Pugh Down in Pughville Liked 4/20 a lot... But the Gentleman, who lived just north of Pughville, Did NOT! The Gentleman hated 4/20! The whole 4/20 season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all, May have been that his heart was two sizes too small. Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes, He stood there on 4/20 Eve, hating the Pughs, Staring down from his cave with a sour, Gentlemany frown, At the warm lighted windows below in their town. For he knew every Pugh down in Pughville beneath, Was busy now, hanging a 4/20 wreath. "And they're hanging their bongs!" he snarled with a sneer, "Tomorrow is 4/20! It's practically here!" Then he growled, with his Gentleman fingers nervously drumming, "I MUST find some way to stop 4/20 from coming!" For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Pugh girls and boys, Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their bowls! And then! Oh, the joys! Oh, the joys! joys! joys! joys! That's one thing he hated! The joys! joys! joys! joys! Then the Pughs, young and old, would sit down to a feast. And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! They would feast on Pugh-pudding, and rare Pugh-roast beast. Which was something the Gentleman couldn't stand in the least! And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all! Every Pugh down in Pughville, the tall and the small, Would stand close together, with 4/20 bells ringing. They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Pughs would start singing! They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING! And the more the Gentleman thought of this Pugh 4/20 Sing, The more the Gentleman thought, "I must stop this whole thing!" "Why, for thirty-three years I've put up with it now!" "I MUST stop this 4/20 from coming! But HOW?" Then he got an idea! An awful idea! THE Gentleman GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! "I know just what to do!" The Gentleman laughed in his throat. And he made a quick Versus hat and a coat. And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Gentlemanly trick!" "With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Rich!" "All I need is a reindeer..." The Gentleman looked around. But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found. Did that stop the old Gentleman? No! The Gentleman simply said, "If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!" So he called his dog, Max. Then he took some red thread, And he tied a big horn on the top of his head. THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks, On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Max. Then the Gentleman said, "Giddyup!" And the sleigh started down, Toward the homes where the Pughs Lay asnooze in their town. All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air. All the Pughs were all dreaming sweet dreams without care. When he came to the first little house on the square. "This is stop number one," the old Gentlemany Versus hissed, And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch. But, if Versus could do it, then so could the Gentleman. He got stuck only once, for a moment or two. Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue. Where the little Pugh bongs all hung in a row. "These bongs," he grinned, "are the first things to go!" Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant, Around the whole room, and he took every present! Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums! Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums! And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Gentleman, very nimbly, Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney! Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Pughs' feast! He took the Pugh-pudding! He took the roast beast! He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash. Why, that Gentleman even took their last can of Pugh-hash! Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. "And NOW!" grinned the Gentleman, "I will get high as fuck! Wee!" And the Gentleman grabbed the tree, and he started to shove, When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast, and he saw a small Pugh! Little Cindy-Lou Pugh, Pugh was not more than two. The Gentleman had been caught by this tiny Pugh daughter, Pugh'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water. She stared at the Gentleman and said, "Versus, why,” "Why are you taking our 4/20 tree? WHY?" But, you know, that old Gentleman was so smart and so slick, He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! "Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Versus lied, "There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side." "So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear." "I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here." And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head, And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed. And when CindyLou Pugh went to bed with her cup, HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up! Then the last thing he took Was the log for their fire! Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar. On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food That he left in the house, Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse. Then He did the same thing To the other Pughs' houses Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other Pughs' mouses! It was quarter past dawn... All the Pughs, still a-bed, All the Pughs, still asnooze When he packed up his sled, Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings! The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings! Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit, He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it! "PoohPooh to the Pughs!" he was Gentlemanishly humming. "They're finding out now that no 4/20 is coming!" "They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!" "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two, Then the Pughs down in Pughville will all cry BooHoo!" "That's a noise," grinned the Gentleman, "That I simply MUST hear!" He paused. And the Gentleman put his hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow. But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY! He stared down at Pughville! The Gentleman popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise! Every Pugh down in Pughville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Without any presents at all! He HADN'T stopped 4/20 from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same! And the Gentleman, with his Gentleman-feet ice-cold in the snow, Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?" "It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!" "It came without packages, boxes or bags!" And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore. Then the Gentleman thought of something he hadn't before! "Maybe 4/20," he thought, "doesn't come from a store." "Maybe 4/20...perhaps...means a little bit more!" And what happened then? Well...in Pughville they say, That the Gentleman's small heart Grew three sizes that day! And then, the true meaning of 4/20 came through, And the Gentleman found the strength of ten Gentlemen...plus two! And now that his heart didn't feel quite so tight, He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light! With a smile in his soul, he descended Mount Crumpet, Cheerily blowing "Pugh-Pugh!" on his trumpet! He rode into Pughville, he brought back their bowls! He brought back their floof to the Pug girls and boys! He brought back their snoof and their tringlers and fozzels! He brought back their pan-tookers, their dazzlers and wozzels! He brought everything back, all the food for the feast... And he, he himself...the Gentleman...carved the roast-beast! Welcome, 4/20, bring your cheer, cheer to all Who's far and near! 4/20 is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp! 4/20 will always be, just as long as we have thee! Welcome, 4/20, while we stand heart to heart and hand to hand!
  14. You want some comments you ungrateful midget fuck? Ok, here's some comments! 1. Imma fuck Madison in every golden corral on the east cost. When old people and rednecks line up for dinner they'll be shit out luck because there's going to be jizz all over the sneeze guard. Why the sneeze guard you ask? Because I'm a gentleman goddamnit! It says so right in the name. 2. You know why Madison won't fuck you? Because you only get hard for Jimmy Henry and B-17. 3. I'm more over than God. 4. Big Ed is a figment of my imagination. 5. You fear Austin. 6. I still wish I were Tiberius Dupree. 7. You ruined a generation (jett, ME, that guy who murdered his family) 8. Vincent Winters is a homo 9. Nate Ortiz > Dennis Black 10. You made me kill Versus. YOU! Its never enough with you is it? We won you stupid reverse honky but ya just dont get it! So now God's dead and Golden Corrals just got a whole lot sexier. Bonus Fact: You're NOTHING without Gentleman Jack! You hear me little man?! NOTHING!
  15. The following letter was intercepted by OCW internal security forces within the last two weeks. Despite company protocols expressly forbidding the release of this material, the deep state organization known simple as “The Hoots” who secretively run OCW, Hollywood, the world banking system, and a very successful chain of Applebees in the Fort Worth Texas area, have leaked this very private communication to the public in hopes of tarnishing the simply spotless moral record of the gracious Madison Cox. Oh and the letter literally reeks of human shit. Before we get too flowery with this love story let's all take a minute to remember that this letter has easily been up the ass of at least 4 different men before its discovery in the OCW offices. My Dearest Alabaster Cox, These nights grow ever colder in this devilish hellhole constructed by our vile captors. Each day hope slips through my fingertips like the sands throw an hourglass. Or like that time I pulled 3 feet of anal beads out of you in the bathroom of that Shoneys in Virginia. Remember that? Who knew the human asshole was so elastic?! Though hope fades, my burning love for you keeps myself and my comrades warm. Well that and heroin. Oh my god Madison, it warms you up so fast! But I get ahead of myself.... I'm not here to talk about the loving embrace of china white, no, I'm here to talk about the warmth I feel when I caress my Alabaster Cox. As our plan comes to fruition, one less hurdle stands between our love. The world by now must have surely figured out that it was I who killed the greatest competitor in OCW history. The papers must be full of stories about how this vile human killed not only the finest OCW Hall of Fame member in history, how he murdered his mentor, he killed this man, no this GOD, but in the name of what they must ask! Only you and I know the truth. Only one thing could drive a man to kill God Himself! That's the love of a GODDESS! You are my Goddess, and with Versus out of the picture there's only one man left. Well I use the term man lightly. There's only one child left in the picture. After we escape this hellish construct I shall ride in on my white horse and save you from that terrible little creature. The thought of you having to guide that impotent little asshole to a career while our love has to fester in the background sickens me to my core. I know it will be worth it though. I know it'll all be worth it when you turn on him. He won't even see it coming. That's the brilliance of our plan isn't love? The only person left that can stop us is nothing more than a mere teenager with the functioning IQ of a ten year old. After Lution, it'll all be over. We can finally take what's ours and leave this toxic wasteland for our dream. Remember our dream? To move to Scottsdale and open a new age cleansing business? Just you and me sweetheart, with our hands up hippie's asses. It'll be magical! No OCW, no Dennis Black, certainly no Versus... Just you, me, and the sweet scent of high colonics. Well my love my new companions are beginning to get anxious for our immanent release. Code name Penguin is in place and you're going to be head over heels for the newest addition to our family. I call him Luther, and well, I think you two are going to get along just swell. My time grows short so I must sadly end this correspondence. Just know that one day soon my hands will be full of loving Cox. Nothing can stop us now! With All Of My Love, Gentleman Jack PS: Leon says when he thinks about you he touches himself. Kinky huh?!?!
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