Loki McGregor

The night was dark and full of terrors. At least that is how George R. R. Martin would open a dramatic chapter. However this is a Loki story and the best we can muster is: Loki tried to hurdle the low standing bushes that separates duplex 102 from duplex 103 and failed miserably. His right foot had caught during the jump and he landed in a crumpled heap. Luckily the chilly night had forced most to retreat inside and the darkness cloaked him from watchful eyes. While his shouts of pain may have scared a few dogs his noisy attempt at stealth went unnoticed. If you are wondering why the once sneaky Loki, who claimed to be 1/16 ninja, has lost his cat like subtlety than you can look no further than Trance who continues to supply Loki with his pills. Anyways. Loki climbed back to his feet and surveyed the plan white half house in front of him. The entrance was not guarded as he had feared and the door didn’t appear to be all that sturdy. Loki approached cautiously and placed his hand gingerly on the door. He considered knocking the door down, maybe he would search for a key instead, or maybe… Loki turned the doorknob and to his astonishment the chipped white painted door slowly swung in with a creak. He was in. This was it. The duplex was small. A staircase was directly to his left. A soft light shone from a living room a few steps in front of him and a small kitchen was directly to his right. His intuition suggested he should check upstairs first...he also could hear snoring. With as much care as possible he crept step to step. Slowly he made his way to the top. The snoring was coming from a room with an ajar door to the right. Without touching the door Loki slid in. A man was curled up on a small twin bed. Loki knelt down and gently shook the man: Brian…Brian, wake up. Brian feebly stirred. Loki: BRIAN HOYER! Brian Hoyer jumped and sat up. His eyes found Loki who had jumped back and he screamed. Brian Hoyer: HOLY SHIT! What do you want! Who are you! Loki: Woah! Be chill! Brian sprang from the bed and grabbed a glass lamp. He hurled it with all the might he could muster. Loki raised his hands and the lamp shattered around Loki and fell into his hair. Loki: AH! What the hell! Brian took advantage of Loki being momentarily distracted and rushed to tackle him but Loki reacted quickly and hit Loki’s Ladder. Brian’s face smashed off of Loki’s knee and he fell backwards with a muffled shout of pain. Loki: Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. Bad start. Loki held out a hand to offer to help Brian up. Brian ignored it with wide, fearful eyes. Loki: No. No. No. Brian. Brian. Brian. I need you! You’re my only hope. Brian’s eyes eased and he looked suspiciously back at Loki. He lowered his hands from his mouth: Who the hell are you? Loki beamed: My name is Loki and you’re on my fantasy football team! Brian: Wha- Loki nodded his head: Yeah. I picked you up from Free Agency two weeks ago because Eli Manning was sucking it up! He just sucked! But you! You have helped me win two games in a row and now...now I face Dennis Black this week. Loki obviously thought this was dramatic and ended the sentence in dramatic fashion but Brian just continued to look on wondering where this was going. Brian:...And? Loki cleared his throat and pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket: Brian, more than ever I need you. Sure you’ve been a journeyman QB your entire career, but this moment. This moment could stand out in infamy. Together we can defeat Dennis Black and keep my undefeated streak against him. I don’t want to put more pressure on you but I can’t play for you. If I could I would throw it to Zach Miller every time, because I have him too. Make me proud. And if it is ok could I get an autograph from Jordy Nelson since you will be at the game? Brian finally found his voice: YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE JUST TO ASK ME TO PLAY WELL SO YOU CAN WIN IN FANTASY FOOTBALL? Loki:...Yes. Brian: YOU THINK IT WORKS LIKE THAT? Loki: Hey. I paid $1 dollar for you. I own you. Brian: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! Loki: It’s a duplex. Brian: I’M CALLING JACOB TRANCE! Loki stood up suddenly: Oh look at the time. I got to go. Loki scampered out the door, stumbled down the stairs in fear and back into the night. Will this motivate Brian Hoyer...tune in this Thursday night.

Listen here you Single celled clone of a already deficient clone from Star Wars. You may be an interstellar dimension jumping deity but in your travels I'm saddened that you have not learned of the possibility of infinite possibilities. As such you find yourself in LokiVerse where I am the tag team champion!

Your hate will not break me. I am the tag team champion!

I guess in light of this statement you can't say really say "anyone but Loki anymore" can you?

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Loki in mainevent! Gold is chill! I am The Pokemon Champ! Loki happy with fantasy football team. Ice, Ice, Baby!

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Loki saunters into Troy's locker room. Troy is slouched over staring idly at the floor. Why? Why? Why were they hating on his promo? The rookie looks like he could use some friendly advice so Loki walks over and sits down next to Troy and places an arm around him in a comforting manner. Loki: 'owaya, love. oi tink yer might be be a wee bit confused. oi cud 'elp yer oyt a bit. for instance stop bein' so stan' ofish an' listen ter gran' ole fella, trance. yer man 'as been doin' dis for close ter 50 years nigh. bless 'is soul, yer man might 'av a few more dead on years in 'imself, but yer man knows waaat yer man is blatherin' aboyt. also alwus ask as while aries may be a manager yer man is a sensitive soul an' we've al' put lashings into creatin' dees characters. Camera man: Mr. Loki, sir...remember what marketing said. Loki: Ah, shit, yeah. Ok. Terrence. Terrance: Troy Loki: Terry, be cool. Troy shakes his head and his nostrils flair. Loki: Listen to the old man. And to that Martha Stewart character. They are trying to help you. Terry: I don't need help! Loki: Good luck, Tonya. Loki stands up and walks out of the locker room leaving behind a confused Tim.

That Kass vs. Trance match was a tale of two halves. And I'm honored, Tom. Oh just read the next part. Die.

Both my sigs have been taken, both my finisher have been taken, but you haven't taken my spirit, I will not bend.

Well that's an intriguing statement as anthropologist have mostly agreed that the existence of such a culture is usually the willful thinking of feminism. That's not to deny the existence of them but most experts believe the there have never existed a truly exclusive 100 percent culture of female political control. The creation widely held conceptualization of what such a society would look like is often influenced by the ideas of "mother" being the head of household. Or even head of state. You may be confusing the concept with lack of patriarchal identity which is not the same. The identification of lack of masculine identity is the the same as women led political idealism and power. So while you may claim "Queen" the more appropriate terminology would be "mother" if you so please and as identifying as such you would exercise control over decisions of those in the immediate family at the very least i.e. Turmoil. So this creates the situation that we must listen to you or choose to. However no one does. While you may try to exercise a measure of control it is through potential tyrannical approaches that you achieve any form of measurable success, yet even that is limited. So the holding of power does not incite the wielding of power, as such the conquering power is that of a male and therefore contradicts your claim. By all mean you can claim as such but the reality is that you wield no true power over the product of Turmoil due to the association of who currently holds a position of power above you, that would be Mugen. And with Turmoil the only control you offer is through Dennis Black who is a male and once again limits the terminology you may use when you declare your governmental form. Now of course you may claim that since you tell Dennis what to do that you actually claim ownership over his ideals but as we have seen recently he no longer complies to you every desire and therefore challenges your role as singular "Queen/mother" in an outdated and often confused ideological government.

um. I don't think you have a firm grasp on history....