Jake Powers

It's back! *insert rock music* The Riot Report with Jake "Super" Powers "I love the Riot report so much I based my movie Eyes Wide Shut on its content" - Stanley Kubrick Nate Sensation Jaysin decides that woman beating actually leads to something good as he explains to us all that his omlettes taste better because of his new ingredient Nate. Casey also warns Brad Bauer to stop playing with her TiTs. Smythe vs. Fausto After his win over Ed Reed I was expecting our resident rapper to have a good match against the "Chop Shop". I thought he did ok but as expected Guy came out on top after a diving elbow to the solar plexus. Dress Nice and Have a Shower While Guy "adresses the events" Poison attacks him from behind, apparently due to Guy not taking his help when Poison tried to save him. Thus Posion challenges him to a Cell match (violence ftw!). Blade vs. Martin I thought this match was much better than last weeks marathon run, and the match was close throughout. In the end though, the outcome was decided by a boot to Blade's face, which was probably powerful enough to penetrate those goggles of his. Ninja Wannabes Always Fail Valmont thinks he's cool because he's good at sneaking up on Kang and hitting him in the back. After he challenges him to counting backwards James appears with the news that at the Clash it will be a 1 on 1 match, thus eliminating Valmont's chances of sneak attacking him. they then try to kill each other but some stupid security guards ruin the fight. Attack of the Crazy Limo Driver From Hell While in in Limo Jaysin is shocked to discover the driver is Nate who invites him to hell... Josiah Cross vs. Valmont who is Cross (at James) When you get a match with an angry guy, and a guy who has a synonym of anger in his name you expect results. But wait! It's Bold! (who is built like a tank it seems) Bold also seems to do the same damage as a tank destroying Valmont and finishes him off with the Yohansen slam for some reason. Attack of the Crazy Limo Driver From Hell Pt. 2 So it turns out Nate was pretending earlier and isn't really an omlette ingredient. Instead he's a psycho who wants to send Jaysin to the fishes, cinderblock and all (possibly something to do with Jayisn screwing him out of matches, and having Majin try to kill him). However Nate fails to realise that the kiddies pool isn't deep enough for Jaysin to drown in so Jaysin escapes with his life. Reed San Reed has another mystery meeting and this time we can tell from the language that it must be a Japanese friend of his. Harcore Championship Match - Venom *C* vs. Hoppus As mentioned by a few people on the forums now, Venom must be close to the record for the number of sucessful title defences in 1 title run? He won this match too btw. Attack of the Crazy Limo Driver From Hell Pt.3 Casey has heard the news and warns the others that there's a Nate imposter on the loose, kidnapping people such as Jaysin. DJ Chino vs. Fearo The Stick vs the Flab King looked to be an interesting match and it was actually quite interesting to watch their contrasting styles. Fearo has, imo, some of the best timing in OCW, so it was near impossible for DJ to get through his defence, and just as tough to defend against Fearo's attacks. Thus the majority of DJ's damage came from hit and run style offense. Eventually they got each other DR but it took ages for them to finish each other off. Although in the end it was decided by the move that should be censored. And at the end... wtf!? Attack of the Crazy Limo Driver from Hell Pt.4 Team Omlette begin the search for their missing friends and the imposter Nate interrogating a stagehand. Two Assholes and a Chair DJ's talking to Hazel after the match only to be smacked by a chair. Cue SDW with his new buddy P"V"S. DJ doesn't look too worried though (possibly he hasn't realised 2 vs 1 is a bit one sided). Mind Games are One Half of the Law or Something Blood meets with TBDTTP (I always have to double check that to make sure I got it right - too many letters for an acronym) to make sure he's still getting his title shot. Strider seems so sure of himself that he offers to put both titles on the line. Reed objects in fear of losing his tag titles. Dick sees an opportunity and initiates stereotypical British bad guy mode, captilaizing on some team friction to mess with their minds. Main Event - Blake vs. Ed Ed Reed's blue attire is awesome. Blake and Casey are always dressed to impress. thus people could not be blamed for mistaking this match for a fashion show. But there was some wrestling (Ed Reed can actually pull off those moves that end with a Kip-up imo - normally I die a little inside when I see people use them). Reed put on a good performance but due to circumstances beyond his control (Casey) he missed out on the win... or so I thought. Attack of the Crazy Limo Driver From Hell - The End is Not Near, It's Here After the Main Event Team Omlette return to their quest of locating Sensation. They luckily come across him just in time (not a reference to the wrestler) as his clothes had, by now, probably soaked up enough water to make him slightly chilled. Quote of the Night - When told to do his talking in the ring Blood replies with "It's where I do my best negotiations." Move of the Night - Venom suplexing Hoppus through the table. I have never seen that move before so thought it should be rewarded. Match of the Night - DJ Chino vs Robert Fearo. I like matches that can go either way and this was on a knife edge for at least 5 minutes.

The Chill Faktor Comment File with Jake Powers "The Comment File is like a party in my mouth and everyone is invited" - anon. Ex-Dision #1 Contender's Match - Hoppus vs. The Air Expecting an easy win for Air I was suprized to find Hoppus actually did well and lead the majority of the match. Finding it hard to finish Air off, Hoppus gave the Dutchman a chance to steal the win, but CJ held his nerve and got a valuable #1 contender spot. Poison vs. Fausto After gaining a record 101% of the vote Gertrude became the special ref for this match. The match stayed close throughout and in the end Poison won with a textbook cradle pin. Normally when a wrestler is on the verge of winning, the tension causes us to think the ref is counting slow, but in this case, because Guy had no chance of kicking out of such a fantastic pin, the count seemed faster than normal. Bauer vs. Irving Given a cane these two beat the crap out of each other. In the end though Rumble winner Brad Bauer came out on top, thanks to some impressive work with his cane. North American Title Match - Heart vs. Strider vs. Chino I was disappointed there was no Smythe in this match (due to an earlier attack which hopsitalised him). Like ay great 3 way this was targeting at its worst. DJ seemed to adapt best to the targeting imo and thus it was no suprize when he hit his finisher on Strider and picked up the win (after nailing Heart with a wheel kick) and a nice NA belt too. Trips vs. Horse Trips + gold = ego and so Trips invites his new pal Roman to come watch the match. His opponent is overwhelming majority Deano Horse, who proves that Hunkamania is running strong when he picks up an impressive winagainst the NA champ. Inviting Roman probably didn't look like a good idea after this match. I now have an urge to lsiten to Tom Jones. Gaines vs. Recon The original LHW of OCW takes on his protege Nathan Gaines (who suffered an attack earlie from Venom Recon's ally Venom) is a blood for blood match (not really sure of the rules in this one). These guys literally beat each other to a bloody mess with anything they could get their hands on. However, it wasn't a steel chair or a ring bell that finished this match, but a thunderous kick to the face that left Recon down and out. To rub it in even more the Maniac and Big Sam returned to get a few digs in on Recon. Juan Pablo vs. Sean Strider After Strider and his Tag Team partner Reed show off their new suits and their titles which they won back from Team Underdog, they gave us a movie style, rally the troops epic battle speech about how they will finally make the tag division a real tag division. Combine that with a reasoanbly long Twisted Steel Warfare match and you would think Strdier had done enough tonight. But apparently he also needed to battle Juan Pablo, the fattest LHW alive, for the Ex title in a cage. Unblievably Strider overcame the odds of double duty and suspicious weight differences to escape the cage and keep the Ex title 9possibly ebcause Juan pablo couldn't lift his huge mass over the cage). Nate vs. Majin You would have given Majin long odds to win this one. But when Blake's pals Jaysin and Casey are the lumberjacks, suddenly Majin becomes incredibly hard to beat. And it may have just been that distraction that cost Nate here. In a great match, I thought there were plenty of occasions for both men to put their opponent away for the three count. But in the end, much to the joy of Mr Sensation, Majin planted Nate's face into the mat and scored a three count. CCW World Heavyweight Championship Match - Steve Jones vs. RD Money Boo etc. From the comments some of the other people left on the boards, it seems I was not the only one disappointed about the ending (mostly because I had a feeling Jones was actually going to do it). The match was a tight affair and it really looked like it could go either way. But for some reason both men thought it would be more of a reward to kill each other than actually win the match. OCW Wrold Heavyweight Championship Match - AJ Phoenix vs. Kage Sensei's Dojo match has auto win for AJ written all over it. So for Kage to push it to sudden death was a big suprize. But in Sudden Death, Aj showed why it's his match and after an elbow drop he decided to show KAge some pain and made him tap. Yuriko came down to the ring to celebrate, and showed Kage even more pain than AJ ever did by giving him a kick to the groin the most devastating move in sports entertainment. The End Afterwards jaysin invited Majin out for a celebration. before he could even get it started out came Nate to crash the party. Malu sneak attacked Nate to help Blake defend the bossman only for RD to turn up and save the day... unfortunately for Nate, RD decided to do a heel turn attacking his former friend. Then another twist unfolds. Out comes Rev inc to sav the day - cue mass fighting and Rev Inc reunion cheers. Also I'd like to give big props to all those who RP'ed most notably Carlos who did loads despite not even appearing in a match. Quote of the Night: When asked why he has been detained in Detroit Dick Blood's excuse is that he “Looks too much like a stereotypical Bond villain.” Move of the Night: There was a great spot by RD in his match against Jones. The Ironman goes for the pin only for Rd to power out. He then immediately follows it up with a clothesline that takes Jones' head off. It loooks great. Match of the Night: The ME. Kage took it to sudden death, a feat that I doubt we will see for a long time.

The Turmoil Telegram with Jake Powers "The Turmoil Telegram is the key to world peace." - Anon Pugh vs. Michaels Michaels is about to declare himself destroyer of DOW so Pugh makes him eat chair. To finish him off, Pugh hits the fishermans suplex. Venom vs. Martin Venom continues to show us he is hardcore as they come by showing us 101 ways to use household items (although once again he used the stupid springboard moonasult off the chair which looks out of place in a HW's moveset). Martin really didn't look like winning this match and in the end got a shining wizard for his efforts. Nice Suit A well dressed Trips comes out to inform us that: a) he is well dressed b) is the best wrestler c) the TV title is apparently the best title There's no denying Trips is a good wrestler, but only time will tell if he qualifies to be a real wrestler. Reed vs. Bauer vs. Horse Three ways tend to be full of action. This one was no different. Bauer looked to have sealed the match towards the end after hitting a finisher and landing an elbow drop that make the Wright Brothers proud. However Horse steals it aftter pinning Reed, who had been KO'ed by Bauer. Lucas C. vs. Pugh A good win for Lucas in what was a close match. Pugh looked to have got the victory when he gained a fin with Lucas at DRR, but Lucas fought back and nearly broke Pugh's neck with a ferocious Driver into the mat. Trophies and Goodbyes Bauer wants a trophy and Richards wants to say goodbye, but not not before Jaysin gets involved. It turns out Richards had the Rumble fixed to help Bauer win. Knowing he was leaving CCW, Richards decided to bail on Bauer leaving him to take all the backlash on his own. To ruin his night more it turns out his trophy was no more than a pin (LOLZ!). Heaton vs. Air Generally ladder matches have always been long affairs. However in 2k8 the problem seems to be fixed, or so I thought it was. These two guys were in no rush to let their opponents get to the top of the ladder, going so far as to kill each other with a chair. Eventually after a batte at the top of the lader Air prevails and gets both hands on the belt. However Heaton gets a last bit of Adrenaline pumping and wheel kicks the ladder over. However Air's grip on the belt is too strong and the belt drops to the floor with him. Some Culture Please After being away Dick Blood shows the world how the EX division is ruined without him in the space of just one month. The current champion Strider does not see it that way, claiming Dick's wrestling style is one-dimensional, and he has no chance in a real extremist competition such as a ladder match. Dick Blood dismisses gimmick matches as garbage but is soon taunted into partaking in one at Chill Faktor. Irving vs. Jones Earlier in the night the Ironman told us how he hated being known as the choker matches and was out to prove us all wrong at Chill Faktor. However he had a chance to get the ball rolling by taking on Seth Irving and he looked like he was going to take it. However, Seth Irving is a top competitor and had a bit of a comeback, and in the end he came out on top after a painful looking knee to the face. Quote of the Night - "You're about as extreme as afternoon tea with Grandma Strider." - Sean Strider Move of the Night - Brad Bauer goes flying as he hits an elbow drop from one side of the ring to the other. Match of the Night - Tough call tonight as there were many close matches, but I'm going to give it to Lucas and Pugh.

Indeed. True. Although I will have one done for this week's trumoil so :P

The Riot Report with Jake Powers "The Riot Report saved my life." - Anon Chino and Strider vs. DaWonder and Irving This match seemed like it was never going to end with every pin attempted foiled by some clever teamwork. After a little particle acceleration towards the end the match pace picked up and eventually Chino (who is no longer looking like a starved Ethiopian) put away Smythe for the win. "Hardcore Title Match" Venom vs. Ed Reed Thanks to the new game mechanics for weapons we got a hardcore match that actually involved successful weapon strikes (even though the moonsault off the chair looked rediculously unrealistic). Venom's hardcore style really came into play in this match and his chair wielding skills paid off. The Uberbeast Jeni Gaines points us in the direction of a talk show segment with Samuel Von Kerin. This is really worth watching as we find out how Sam broke over 140 bones and had to get 32 screws in his face (or something along those lines I forgot to write it down). We also get to see who was driving the car that knocked him off his bike. Kage vs. Hoppus When I saw this match I was expecting Kage to easily win the match. He didn't disappoint. Although he had to work harder than expected for the win (he had to survive two taunts and a cross body) Kage left the ring with a commanding victory. Fausto vs. Mania Fausto turned up to Riot believing he only has to be there for the people at home to enjoy watching him suffer. Turns out Vimes wants him in a match against the returning Spoonman. The match is a close affair with both guys taking heavy damage. However, ring rust shows and despite surviving an elbow drop, Chris Mania eventually succumbs to a cutter. We then get treated to a classic handshake promo, but this time in video form! Quote of the Night - Al Poling's wise words "Because Clothes and Hair are HARDCORE ! FASHION IS HARDCORE !" Move of the Night - Venom shows us all how to break ankles by sandwiching Ed Reed's leg in a chair. Simple but excruciatingly painful looking. Match of the Night - The Main Event. It was close, and didn't drag just the way I like them.

The Riot Report with Jake Powers "It's like the world's greatest candy, without the worries of putting on weight." DJ Chino vs Smythe DJ picks up a valuable win to gain momentum. The team of Leon and Smythe is looking more a mistake every time I see them. On paper it looked good, but at the moment they are proving to be one failure after the next. Tag Team Challenge Robert Fearo no showed his Hardcore Title defense and thus Team Underachievers (I came up with that one myself) will have to face off agianst argually the greatest tag team in OCW history, The Best Damn Tag Team Period. Ov Terror vs. Lucas Crowe So we get to see a new guy in action against a guy who looks like he's killed a few people in his time when Ov Terror takes on "The Count". The match was close but Crowe looked to have had the match won when he laid out Ov with his finisher. However, Ov no-selled and immediately retaliated with a pwoerbomb, showing he wasn't about to bow down to a rookie. Desperate to get the win Lucas steals his opponent's finisher and gets the pinfall (which IIRC is against FPR, as you can only win with a dirty/stolen fin if your momentum is full). 250lbs Men Can Be Bitches Too Nick Kage continues to taunt Aj about the misplacement of AJ's girl Yuriko, which will surely lead to a brutal encounter when these guys finally meet. Kang also decided to do some bitching challenging none other than Hollywood superstar Keanu Reeves to a match. Fausto vs. Syndrome In what can only be described as complete domination by Fausto only became more so, if that is indeed possible. Despite clearly being in control of the match, Guy got an assist from Poison to help end the match. Poison has yet to give a real explanation and was unavailable for comment, but it does suggest there could be a secret alliance forming backstage to guarentee future success for these two superstars, and all that animosity could just be a charade. One thing is for certain, Jake powers will uncover the truth! Venom vs. AJ Phoenix A hardcore specialist surely is at some disadvanatge in singles competition, especially when they face the champ. However, Kage's constant taunting seems to have got to AJ. Either that or Venom done his scouting well before the match, as there was no one-sided match-up in this main event. From start to finsih Venom kept up with the champ, but in the end AJ's submission knowledge was enough to let Venom known when he was beaten. Quote of the Night - Posion: "Pausing in between every word is blasphemous in the eyes of the lord!" My favourite commandment of the lot! Move of the Night - Ov no-selling. I bet Crowe shit himself when he saw Ov just get straight back up again. Match of the Night - The main event. I expected a squash match, and nstead I got a well contested bout.

That was a typo* *The information in this statement may not be true and Jake Powers can not be held responsible for any misinformation

Serious OOC question: Is that the order of entrants in the rumble or will the entrants be random?

I am the most unbiased man alive, and like all OCW and CCW superstars equally.

The fact that my in-depth reports and reviews and reduced some of your fellow lockeroom members to tears, surely proves that OCW have in fact signed a top talent in the world of dynamic news reporting.

Jake Powers reports the news. Thus you listen to Jake Powers.

That comment was in response to a complaint claiming that one of my earlier reports was incorrect. I needed to show that my previous reporting was indeed correct, as the 25 men in the rumble were indeed rejected from the S-Cup tournaments. This is Jake Powers reporting for OCW.

I can just report on what I observe. Failure to do so by bending the truth would be against the sacred code of News Reporting.

Sorry, but when Justin Time qualifies for a tournament and you don't, then that says it all really.

I'd hate to be one of the rejects forced to enter a rumble they got virtually no chance of winning. My predictions: S-Cup - Nate Ortiz Juniors - Chris Ryder Reject Award - Not even worthy of JPN.