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  1. #31
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    Cort Marshall is a name known to all Cort Marshall is a name known to all Cort Marshall is a name known to all Cort Marshall is a name known to all Cort Marshall is a name known to all Cort Marshall is a name known to all Cort Marshall's Avatar
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    RIOT 549 REVIEW: ingest nut butter for cardiovascular health

    Everett and Sparks segment. Good promo. I like that Sparks is more confident with the title, more shittalky. Though as others have mentioned his character is mostly buoyed by winning momentum atm. We’ll see. Everett makes his points and makes them well, and like a face, only attacks once Sparks tries some fuck shit. Small point, “Ev’s gonna kill ya” as opposed to “Ev IS” removes a syllable and makes it more chantable.

    Elsa is GENRE SAVVY. Nice gag at the 4th wall without breaking it. Unfortunately, heels are smart and know how to lock doors. Pretty boiler-plate (hah) segment but it’s lines like “his black Pulp Fiction t-shirt can barely contain the rage in his veiny biceps alone.” that can elevate a regular promo into good territory.

    Jackmo! You came back and you were so apologetic and likable! And now you’re being a huge dick over shrimp! You detestable cad, you. His writing has been solidly great since returning, very amusing and immediately, like, memorable. Shame he’s going heel(?) so soon but it is a funny character.

    Both Johnny and Grimm lookin good as usual, Millionnaire’s ent is top 10 in the company fer sure. Big heel play with the one move and a pin lol. Slaps off a lock up and takes a big move for the trouble! Grimm is pounding johnny. Grimm gets him back with a fake pin as well. Grimm gets a rev but whiffs the follow up, unfortunate. Little bit of back away disease here. One early rev by Grimm and momentum shifts--watch the bars! Johnny nearly gets a 3 count out of kicking Leo in the anus. Lotta nice rope running sequences. Dick kicks and dancing, oh my. Awkward bit with the outside kicks, gotta run to dive sir. Two piledrivers and johnny seals it--aight match, got a bit awkward at the end but not bad. Johnny's a well played character, Leo has gotten a lot better.

    Damn Zoe Cohle is a huge bitch. Don’t listen to her, Rust! Sometimes family sucks! Very good dimensions to this thing with Quartz and Rust and many others; not just a simple “I’m in your shadow, mannnnn” thing, this time it’s others trying to sow seeds of distrust. We’ll see how this plays out.

    This was a very good RP with H2O, Heather and Terra. Terra hasn’t been out feuding but has still been very relevant RP wise, helping multiple characters develop. Probably the best of what you can do when you don’t have an active feud. Heather’s awkwardness apologizing is amusing, really enjoying her turn to going straight and being a face badass biker girl, like Blaine but far less cunty. H2O is a really nice supportive guy here… stark contrast to last week. I feel his character changes based on whatever the RP requires. Like one moment he’s chill and the next he’s peak dickhead HBK. It’s weird.

    It’s like every woman in this company rides a motorcycle. We being sponsored by Harley? Wait… Harvey… Harley… yeah. It’s all coming together.

    But wait, who was phone?????? Someone concerned with Valk’s health? Is it that chick who totally wanted to bang her last season? Anyway, very funny interactions with her and Emp here. Seems odd after all that hatred that they’re down to slapfights in elevators... like it needed more time to come down off of the emotional diary business, but I guess I need to read the promo room stuff.

    Jackmo’s ent is very good, great attire… wait, stunt cuck? Oh. Cock. Also get a tron, hippie. Danny has a great theme but his Jacket looking a lil budget. Hot start for Danny, kicking ass till jackmo sticks a disgusting shrimp finger in his mouth. Jackmo rolls out and heels it up. Into the ring post! Bad rev by Jackmo, WATCH THE BARS. Wrex’s fin. Ok. So far Jackmo’s been keepin up by a thread, but all his momentum keeps gettin stuffed. GIANT SWING! SIR. Jackmo just tried to crapple the man’s finish while heavy’d. Bad form… but gets clocked for the 3 anyway. Jackmo wants a handshake but Danny is like, fuck your nasty shrimp hands. Leave. Aight match. No crappling, fellas.

    Aisu cuts an enigmatic promo where I’m not sure if he’s shittalking Everett or trying to hit on him Cardassian style.

    KD says he never beat Cobra. Interesting. Most people have. Tag titles? KD teases a tag team? Interesting. Watch yer fuckin FPR though. God knows we don’t need crapples in stereo.

    Was fun writing this promo. Minio is am do good at pen. We also procrastinate equally.

    Jackmo graciously offers to help the staff find a better deal on shrimp. Tweener? Truly the wrestling world is confusing.

    Cobra’s look is pretty good. Decent start, back and forth with Cobra using agility and KD using power. KD’s new SHW and immovable object let him tank dropkicks, which he tries to hit Cobra off of. Not sure on the ethics of that… do I like SHW with 4 revs? I dunno. It’s free advantage if you just spam smacky button after randomly failing to fall over. It looks good used sparingly as a big guy tank spot but I don’t trust KD to use anything sparingly. Cobra botches a dive but it’s okay, he lands it on the 2nd try. KD is going off the top, knees first? Careful old man! Somehow cobra lays KD straight out with a slap lol. POWER. KD hits the pounce! SOMEHOW Cobra gets KD up for the GTS… damn what dat boi been juicing on? Only a two. Heartbreaking. Counters the spear! Hits his aerial fin I’ve never seen! Yooo! Only a two. Damn. KD goes to spear Cobra but he narrowly dodges, sending KD to the floor! Match is actually pretty good now. Bounces off ropes for momentum and dive… yeah Cobra has momentum and everything. Wild. KD Parkers. Sigh. Misses the aerial! Reverses the spear! Misses the aerial! The pain of flying fins. KD goes top rope, holy hell. AC dodges again, and misses an enzu as KD sells lol. KD as always immediately mashes punch. AC stalls for his rev and then eats a spear as soon as KD can possibly do it. Sigh. Watching at 2X speed I didn’t catch too many HARD FPR breaks--keep in mind I’m not as attentive as when going at normal speed, but KD still played a bit cheesy weesy as usual. Dunno why he has SHW now. Cobra deserved that win honestly, it was getting hype at the end. Ah well.

    P3 Bonanza! Kind of meandering, IMO, not one of the better ones. I am interested in Mugen’s safety course… but Doc is not. Not sure what he’s doing in the audience if he only intends to tell Mugen and Drago to fuck off… he bought a ticket just to heckle? Kinda petty, huh? I dunno, this RP didn’t seem to have much of a point overall.

    Emp in casual gear. Nnnnnniicccceeee--I mean, no, how disrespectful. What does she think this is, a slumber party? With Ted around, that’s dangerous. Been a while since I’ve heard Zoe’s wonderful theme. She has such a punchable face, seriously. Imugenation into the ropes! Yeezus Kanye, Zoe is getting her whole ass ate. The second low blow of the show… what are we, Uncensored 96? Zoe tries to save a rev but gets caught with a finish… lose lose situation there, kickout though. Did Emp dub in some dialogue during the taunts? The “why won’t you die!” sounds like a soulcaliber dialogue, lol. Great little detail from one of our finest production quality havers. Emp loses it and DQs herself by attacking Zoe with a chair! Good way to get over her needing therapy, being so angry her opponent won’t lose after a 10 minute ass kicking that she gives them the W. Comp wise, this was one of those things where nobody made any huge mistakes but one person just had much better spacing and so with the resets came the tide of the match. Rust is Rusty with Zoe, probably.

    More people fuckin with Rust! This time he has a point though… the turn on Spider did feel rather unnecessary, as he hadn’t really done anything to them till that point. Love the details, like using Quartz just looking at him funny as a plot point. Really unsure whether Rust is gonna stick to his honor and get his confidence back (after all a loss to B17 isn’t exactly unexpected), or let the doubters get to him and fester some indignation at his partner. Very good story so far!

    Dragana comeback tease? Put that uppity weeb in her place?

    Nice little quick tease with Parca’s masked opponent--obviously he’s doing Joop’s moves, so you think it’s him, but is that too obvious and it’s someone else? Salami feeling jilted? He did disappear after all. Another rookie who’s faded into the BG? Or is it a double swerve and the obvious answer is the right one? We’ll see. That laugh was… awkward. Too much on the voice modulator, sounded like a robot having a surprise orgasm.

    Parca is such a wholesome fellow. Odd placement here after being attacked, I know it’s a prev rec. vignette but it would look a bit odd on an actual show to have them next to each other. Nice interaction with the different personalities, Aisu being a very assholey and dislikable yet interesting fellow. Elijah is certainly a dude.

    Triple threat M.E. RP -- Best one of the show so far, IMO. Real killer, all three guys come across well--though Sparks’ line about making H2O a puddle is cringe-worthy, lol. Sparks comes off hungry, H2O comes off smug and snarky but competitive, and Tre definitely has the best lines. “DoOm MacHINe.” Tre’s really been on fire lately, as aggressive as he needs to be without ever crossing over the babyface line. He just says he’s gonna beat you, engages in a bit of fair mockery, and then does. His time to shine and he deserves it.

    Me vs Boob: Enjoyed it. He does need to keep in mind attacking me as I enter IS a Parker, even if it never worked cause he didn’t know about the invincibility during entry and exit animations, lol.

    Ashley is certainly in a not-nice mood. Sure, Flojo can be annoying, but does poor Jim Black deserve that nasty attitude? Kinda eh on this one.

    Once again, Leo playin mind games with Jehst. I think this direction works a little better than just constant threats of deliverance. The alliance thing didn’t quite work out, but hey, as long as it turns into something.

    Jesus, see what I mean about faces acting heelish? Harvey cracks Doc one in the back of the head, Ash does it to Flojo… badass faces who just attack anyone can work, but are best if used sparingly. Not everyone can be Stone Cold, ‘cause not everyone can pull it off without looking like a vindictive dickweed. If your character just superkicks everyone they say they can beat in the ring they look like a wuss with anger management issues. Like, I get people wanna have ATTITUDE and TAKE NO SHIT, but part of being someone people wanna cheer for is being the bigger man/woman. If you do attack the heel, it should be face to face, or after the heel has really pushed you. And just enough to knock them on their ass, show who’s the better competitor in a fair brawl--extended beatdowns are more brutal, which is heelish unless deserved. Basically, if it’s just two people attacking each other, they BOTH seem like heels and you won’t get as much heat going into the match. My two canadian cents.

    Not gonna do a detailed commentary on the main event... seeing as I did commentary on the main event. I will say B17 is surprisingly fun to commentate with for someone I argue with all the time. My favorite match of the night, Tre once again kicking ass… with the help of a running fin, of course.

    Minio quits! Oh shit! I’m sorry, man, learn the frame data! Where this will lead, I am interested.

    Overall, really solid show RP wise but the matches were kinda all right IMO. Best RP was the main event triple threat hype, best match was also the main event. Runner-up RPs were the Rust Cohle Bret’s Shadow Saga and Terra/H2O/Heather. Also wanna shout out to some old shit, I really appreciated the build to the Int. title stuff with Archer a PPV or two ago. The tournament setup, everyone interacting on stage, with a classic heel to chase--really felt like RASSLIN, like everyone wants this title. A lot more fluid than the very sectioned-off feuds we get when writers talk to who they’re fighting and nobody else. Spoilers and such, I know, but I like interaction.

    Closing thoughts: Please follow the fucking rules, people. Why do we have them if KD is immune? We just say we respect his legacy yadda yadda--I've been here, what, three years and all I know of him is he has not followed the rules for those 3 years. Sissies etc. Also, chill on the tweener stuff IMO. You don’t have to crack a motherfucker on the head with a chair because he called your mom fat. You can just call his mom fat. Nomsayin?

  2. The Following 11 Users Marked the hell out to Cort Marshall For This Awesome Post:

    Bobby Minio (03-15-2020), Drago Cesar (03-13-2020), El Parca (03-15-2020), Hard2Obtain (03-13-2020), Justin Jehst (03-13-2020), Kassidy Hayes (03-13-2020), Kuma Empire (03-14-2020), Mr.Sensation (03-15-2020), RustCohle (03-13-2020), Tre Golden (03-13-2020), Valkyrie (03-13-2020)

  3. #32
    Billy Bad Ass Wrestler Kuma Empire is a glorious beacon of light Kuma Empire is a glorious beacon of light Kuma Empire is a glorious beacon of light Kuma Empire is a glorious beacon of light Kuma Empire is a glorious beacon of light Kuma Empire's Avatar
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    Yes, I did dub in small dialogue during taunts. Thank you for noticing Cort. As for if it came from soul caliber I can't say just did some searching on a sound bite website till I found something I liked.

    Thank you very much for the review Cort. It is greatly appreciated.

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